Women Shape the Dynamic of Relationships

I once started a video by saying “A hill that I will die on is that women shape the dynamic of the relationship”-And boy did it get mixed reviews. (View that post here)

In a world that often debates the roles of men and women in relationships, I stand firm on that: women do shape the dynamics of relationships. This belief is rooted in both personal experience and biblical wisdom, illustrating the profound impact that women can have on their husbands and families.

The Influence of Attitude

One of the most transformative experiences in my marriage came when I recognized the power of my own attitude. I began to change how I interacted with my husband, offering him more understanding, appreciation, and (dare I say it) love. As a result, I noticed a significant shift in his engagement and affection toward me-to be fair, the change in his affection and demeanor was truly the result of my changed behavior over time. This is not merely anecdotal; it aligns with the scriptural truth found in Proverbs 31:26, which says, “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.” Our words and attitudes can nurture or wound; they can inspire connection or create distance. If every interaction you have with your husband is bitter and filled with resentment, what can you expect in return? And before you say, "yeah, but he is the one who causes me to act this way because he always ____," be reminded that 1 Peter 3:1 also alludes to this factor of women impacting their husbands: “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives.” That is to indicate that our men will bend to meet our requests and be "won over" by our loving behavior and care toward them. 

The Ripple Effect of Respect

Ephesians 5:33 reminds us, “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” When women embody respect, we reflect love. Then, we set a tone that invites reciprocity. My husband responded to my newfound kindness with a deeper level of commitment and affection. He even (as I detailed in the post mentioned above) offered his enthusiastic willingness to solve my problem. Again, a level of commitment and affection that was there before, but faded as a result of my changed and controlling behavior. The result of our respect, which in turn reflects love to our husbands, creates a cycle of love that can transform any relationship, rooted in the mutual respect and honor that the Bible encourages. You would be surprised to learn the ways in which your husband will race to meet your needs when you make a positive shift in your attitude. Afterall, do you offer additional assistance and love to anyone who is already being disrespectful to you?

The Role of Support

Women have a unique role in fostering a supportive environment. We are able to lift up the spirits of our household or tear them down. Proverbs 14:1 states, “The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” I don't know about you, but I would much rather be building up my home rather than tearing it down. When we uplift our husbands, we contribute to a strong foundation. This does not mean sacrificing our own needs or desires; rather, it calls for a balance where both husband and wife feel valued and cherished. We often feel justified in shouting or getting angry when things don't go our way, but we should challenge ourselves in those moments to be still and practice restraint. Allow the moment to pass so that we can regain control of our emotions (and the sanity we temporarily lost due to emotional overdrive). Often times, after allowing space and opportunity to think without the heavy charge of emotions, we find the way that we would have reacted is not necessary, which is why restraint is a powerful tool to have.

Navigating Challenges Together

It’s essential to acknowledge that every relationship faces challenges. However, women often have the capacity to navigate these waters with grace. This is not a call to do everything on your own nor to excuse the inappropriate behavior of your husband. It is a suggestion to be the example and the emotional thermostat of the home and relationship. In times of conflict, embodying the qualities of patience and understanding—as encouraged in Colossians 3:12-14—can foster an environment where both partners feel safe to express themselves and work toward resolution. Isn't that what we want?

I'll leave you with this... 

The dynamic of a relationship is deeply influenced by the attitudes and actions of both partners, but women have a unique power to shape this dynamic through love, respect, and support. Our husbands desire to please us combined with our love and affection for them allows us to regulate the dynamic. When we embrace our roles as nurturers, we can create a lasting impact not only in our marriages, but in our families and communities as well. Our husbands adjust to the temperature that we put out.

As we reflect on our relationships, let’s remember the wisdom of Proverbs 31:30: “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” In nurturing our relationships with love and respect, and honoring our husbands, we embody this wisdom and influence our husbands in ways that can lead to deeper connections and lasting love. Most of all, we show up in our relationship in a way that honors our Heavenly Father.