How to End Your Struggle in Womanhood and Walk in Femininity

We have a tendency to believe that femininity is a makeup of pretty dresses, makeup, heels and pretty nails. Although those things are significant in our journey of womanhood, they are not the only components that are necessary for a true expression of femininity. I want to be clear in stating that there are no rules to what is feminine and what is not. Femininity is based on the true expression of who you are as a woman. When we come out of the destructive habits and practices that we have learned (and sometimes been taught) it is easy to exude true femininity. The kind that is not performative, manipulative, fitting societal norms, or uncomfortable. 

There are 5 reasons most women who struggle in their womanhood do not feel feminine or express it well. I want to make the case to you that if you address these 5 things in your life, femininity will not be something you have to be aware of or make an effort to express. You will simply be a feminine woman. 

The first issue that women struggle with is being stuck in struggle mode. When we talk about a struggle we tend to think that it is a force or set of circumstances beyond our control, but the truth is that most women who are struggling are doing so by choice. They take on more than they can handle or try to control everything and everyone around them (which never works according to plan so it ends up being a reason to be stressed). 

Before you start justifying why this type of behavior is normal, ask yourself is everyone's problem your problem? Do you have to be the person who solves the world's problems? Is being in charge of everything making you feel more or less stressed? 

There is no real benefit in being overbearing or the person in control of everything. It comes with responsibility and suffering, none of which help you to be relaxed, which is the reason you are unable to express your true femininity. 

The painful reality of this situation is that you cannot control other people or anything outside of yourself and when you try, you feel defeated...and stressed. Are there real struggles like not having enough time and money? Absolutely, but stressing over those circumstances doesn't make the issues go away. As a woman, you have to learn to plan, execute, and operate in reality.

If there is not enough money, we either cut back on excessive spending or make more money. Sometimes, even when we do that we find that it is STILL not enough, then we find things to do without. But we do not need to spiral because we are in lack. It helps no one. Same with time. If there is not enough, we cannot make more, but we can evaluate what we are doing to waste the time we do have and plan to make better use of our time. We overcomplicate things that are simple. 

If you are stuck in struggle mode, it is okay to come out and embrace the relaxed and slower paced life that comes naturally when you let go of the stress. 

The second issue is adopting other people's idea of femininity. 

The world says what a feminine woman is. How she speaks, how she acts, how she dresses, where she goes and who she dates. This is great if your plan is to perform for the rest of your life. Otherwise, you should stop following that advice. 

You will effortlessly flow into femininity when you embrace your personality and style unapologetically. 

Street wear can be feminine. Casual chic can be feminine. Discomfort cannot. The problem with most women is that they are cosplaying femininity by wearing pink, doing their nails, and getting a fresh sew in or wig. There is nothing wrong with any of that IF it is the true representation of your style. 

Confidence is what makes you feminine. Not faking it until you make it. Not being performative. 

Confidence cannot exist where there is stress and conformity, which is why I brought up the first issue. 

Take off what the world and the relationship gurus have told you to pick up as your identity and start seeking God to discover who you are and who He has called you to be. As you get clear on those things, the facades fall away, you walk in His design and Will for your life, and suddenly, femininity is not something you need help with, because it naturally manifests itself in you. 

The third issue is only focusing on the external. If you hear "feminine" and start thinking of wardrobe and hair, but not demeanor, spirit and emotional regulation, you may be struggling with this one. 

It is easy to present yourself as beautiful, but how many beautiful and wicked people have you met? A woman with rotten insides, or a fruitless life is not a feminine woman. I don't care how many dresses, purses and shoes she has. I don't care how pretty her makeup or nails are. A feminine woman takes care to polish her spirit just as much as her wardrobe. 

When you start with the internal practices of self-care, dedication, commitment and keeping your promises to yourself, it is easier to show up physically as your best self because the physical aspect is a manifestation of the work that is happening within. However, when you only focus on the external, you are putting on a costume to make up for your shortcomings in other departments. 

There is no real way to tell if someone is "faking femininity" and that is not the goal of this conversation. The goal is to help you to understand why even though you dress the part, you are still failing miserably in your relationships, your job, your finances, and even your prayer life. 

Yes, it is important to be presentable and put forth your best effort when grooming yourself, but that is not the only aspect of femininity that we need to focus on. 

The fourth issue is that you are always stressed. Say it with me. "Let. It. Go."

You hold on to bitterness and resentment. You won't let go of the hurt from past relationships when people have wronged you. You refuse to forgive. And as mentioned in the first issue, you cling to struggle mode. 

You stress yourself out because you want control. You want people to act in a way that is pleasing to you. You want people to do what you say, when and how you say it. That is not realistic and if that is your goal, you will continue to be stressed and let down. If you continue to be stressed and let down, you will continue to fail at your attempts of femininity. 

Forgiveness is not easy, but it is simple. When you struggle to let go, take those things to God in prayer until you are free from them. Holding on to anger, bitterness and resentment is keeping you from walking in femininity. It is making your spirit ugly and disturbed and as a result you have poor mannerisms and self-expression. 

The fifth reason women struggle with femininity is failing to prioritize themselves. If you give everyone else priority over yourself, that is a breeding ground for resentment and anger. You get upset that no one helps you or comes to your rescue, but you don't necessarily need rescuing, you need boundaries and to uphold your standards. 

Imagine you pass on the opportunity to pour into yourself everyday, but jump at the opportunity to show up for others. You oversleep and immediately wake up to responsibilities instead of setting aside time everyday to move through your morning with intention and honoring your routines and practices. 

When we skip out on what we need and begin to be of service to others, it doesn't feel like service, it feels more like slavery, because you give from an empty cup.

The challenge here is to outline non-negotiables for yourself and to honor them. Do not overextend yourself for the benefit of others only to complain about it later. If you cannot or are unwilling to do something, simply don't do it. If you find it stressful to commit to a task, instead of saying yes out of obligation, just say no.

You cannot operate from a space of freedom and expression when you constantly feel oppressed by the responsibility and commitment to other you have placed on yourself. 

It is important to remember that femininity is not a checklist that you fill out to be the best version of yourself. It is a true manifestation of honoring yourself and living within what God has called you to be. Knowing that you are beautifully and wonderfully made, choosing to exist within that and operating from a space of confidence will guarantee that you are a feminine woman.