Why Many of Us End up Alone

Is Your Goal to be Alone?

Imagine every time you are offended by something someone says or does, you run for your relationship scissors. SNIP SNIP, you say. 

A character in a movie I watched recently said, "If you cut everybody off every time they make a mistake you will end up alone."

Eventually, if you carry around unforgiveness and lack of grace and understanding, you will be alone. If that's your goal, I cannot speak any further and there is no need to continue reading. 

If your goal is to have fulfilling and lasting relationships in life, you will have to learn to extend forgiveness. This is within reason and not without consequence, but learning to be more understanding of the people you love and searching their hearts for intention is important. 

What About When They Offend You?

First consider if you are always the perfect angel. Chances are, the answer is no. When you begin to look at yourself and ask if you have ever offended someone, your perspective might change. If you have ever needed grace or if you have ever wanted forgiveness, then you know you also have to give it. 

Grace and forgiveness does not look like being a doormat. It also does not look like changing the standards and boundaries you have set in your life to accommodate people's wrongdoing and deviant behavior. It means that within reason, you offer forgiveness. The Bible tells us that when we do not forgive, our Father in Heaven will not forgive us (Matthew 6:15). It is our duty to forgive, but we can exercise caution and restriction with the access given after we decide to forgive.

If you are dating a man and he cheats on you, forgiveness might look like accepting his apology, but no longer being in that relationship and no longer granting him access to you. If you are in a relationship with a man and he cancels a date after you've been seeing each other for a while, that may not be a reason to cut him off. It depends on the circumstances of why he needed to cancel and if this is a repeated habit of his. If your friend disappears and stops answering your calls, but resurfaces randomly and apologizes, although you may be hurt by their disappearance, there may be a valid reason. That is not a personal attack on you necessarily. That person may have been dealing with their own personal struggles. If your friend stole your car and disappeared, then that is obviously an entirely different set of circumstances and should be handled accordingly. We have to offer forgiveness no matter what, but decide whether or not to continue to allow close proximity, based on the situation, history of the relationship, and the individual habits and intentions. 

This is not a message about allowing full access to your life with no regard to the behavior of others. This is a message about being reasonable. Stop and consider every relationship closest to you. Ask yourself if those people have done anything to offend you. Have you ever had a disagreement? Have they ever annoyed you? If you had decided to end the relationship over any of those things, would they still have access to or contact with you now? Would you be okay with that?

Now ask yourself those same questions in reverse. Have you ever done anything to offend them? Have you ever had a disagreement? Have they ever annoyed you? If they decided to end the relationship over any of those things, would you still have access to or contact with them now? Would you be okay with that?

Forgiveness is a Powerful Tool for Relationship Maintenance

Forgiveness and grace are tools that we can utilize to maintain and repair relationships. This is not to say that every situation will be a major offense. Sometimes there are honest mistakes. Sometimes there are disagreements. In those moments we need to choose to forgive and take the appropriate steps. It is in our best interest to be mature and well thought out, considering whether what people do is damaging or mild, and moving accordingly.