Train Up a Child

Parents are the first teachers of their children. Parents are the first of a lot of categories for their children. 

When we consider the weight of the scripture "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it" it is worth considering the responsibility of a parent. 

We are the teachers, disciplinarians, spiritual leaders, nurturers, role models and so much more. Most of all, we are the guide and display of what our little humans should grow up to be. Even when you are saying one thing, if your actions don't match, you are causing confusion and sowing seeds of distrust in your child. 

Holding that thought, let's consider why this is significant.

We want to raise responsible children who grow to be successful.

Are we responsible? Have we successfully navigated our own lives?

It is easier for our children to live out what they have seen. If you act irresponsibly and have not modeled the appropriate way of living for your children, why would you expect them to demonstrate what you have not modeled to them? This makes us hypocrites. One of the points made in Let them be Kids by Jessica Smartt is that in order for our children to lean into doing things that we want to encourage them to do, we have to offer self discipline, hope, but also, we have to set the example (this is from the chapter on the Gift of Imagination). 

We want our children to know our Heavenly Father, the Most High, for themselves

This means living in the truth and walking in righteousness. Being action based and not just lip service. This is where many of us as parents go wrong. We dictate what we expect, but are incapable of being the living example of those things. Even in times when we have learned from our mistakes, we lack the humility to expose the truth, admit fault, and give a better solution. Instead, we hide our past and shortcomings and act as though we have it together. Although our children have not been there to witness our past, they know. If they do not know yet, they will soon find out. 

Not only do we expose ourselves as hypocrites when we lie or present ourselves as spotless in order to avoid telling the truth and educating our children from our own experiences, we also miss the opportunity to model the practice of repentance. 

God doesn't want us to hide our sin. 

When we don't expose the truth of our past, our sins, our generational habits, our children will repeat the cycle. Exposing it and being transparent allows for them to have a first-hand account of how we should present ourselves and operate in the kingdom. 

You hiding what has happened to save face only hurts your children. It shows them a counterfeit version of repentance. You have an incredible opportunity to teach them the truth by living it. 

Someone sent a question to me about fasting and how to get your children to fast. In the explanation that I offered, I mentioned that in order to have that expectation of your children, they need to see you do it. This goes for anything in the realm of parenting. 

We cannot expect from our children what we have not demonstrated ourselves. 

We must first protect and delegate, then train for responsible decision making

Many of us as parents want to protect the innocence of our children. We want to ensure that they will stay pure and enjoy their childhood. I believe this is a great decision and the perspective should be shared by all parents. The responsible aspect of this comes with acknowledging that when protecting their innocence, there is no need to stifle them into incompetence. 

When restricting our children from inappropriate things for their age, we must also remember that there are things that they can do. 

You can play with dolls and wash the dishes.

You can ride your bike and fold the laundry.

You can love crafting and sweep the kitchen floor. 

There is no need to shield them from responsibility in the process of preventing them from overexposure.

We do our children a disservice when we attempt to over shelter them to the point of robbing them of the opportunity for growth and learning to be a human. 

When we consider the idea of training up our children in the way they should go, we must remember that it includes faith, but it also means teaching them the ways of living so that they can function on their own. And most importantly, we must be the first model of these habits.

Of course as a parent, we all have our radars and boundaries that we abide by in our homes, but our baseline should be modeling appropriate behaviors and expectations for our children, so that they can learn from first-hand experience and not from "what not to do according to my parents' mistakes."