Single Women: Do not Seek After a Man

You Do Not Need to Find a Husband

You do not have to play mind games to have a husband. You do not need to go out and look for a husband. You do not need to beg God to send you a husband.

You need to focus on your womanhood. You need to focus on your personhood. You need to focus on your identity in Christ.

This may sound contradictory considering how often I speak on the role of a wife and biblical womanhood, but that is simply because what a single woman needs to hear is not what a married woman needs to hear.

A married woman needs encouragement to see the good in the man that she choose to marry, while learning to exercise restraint and self control in the relationship. A single woman, needs to focus on having spiritual eyes and discernment to be aware of predatory men so that she does not end up marrying a man that will make her life miserable. The only way to successfully do so is by averting your attention and energy to God. 

Of course there are boundaries that even a married man should not cross. This is never a conversation about gross immorality. The rule of thumb here is to exercise giving grace and practicing forgiveness with your husband, but being strict and non-negotiable with a boyfriend or fiancé, ready to walk away in any instance that reveals God is not the author of that union. In doing so, we can place our focus on God, not on bending and weaving so that this man will stay. 

A Message for Single Women 

If you are a single woman you do not need to be looking for a husband. Instead you need to put your focus on the maintenance of your relationship with God. 

It can seem like a great idea to pray and fast "for a husband" or to pray for the man you are dating to marry you (if you are dating or engaged). However, your time would be much better spent if you just focused on aligning yourself to the will of God. 

When we focus on being the person and woman that God has called us to be, we naturally embody femininity without having to play games and perform tricks. When we walk in the Spirit (Galatians 5:22) we will not fulfill the lusts of the flesh. When we model ourselves against the wisdom of Proverbs, we learn to control ourselves, to be mindful of our words, to not be hasty in judgement and decision making. We learn to lean not on our own understanding. 

The better we become at these things, the more wisdom we open ourselves up to. The more obedient we are, the clearer God's words are to us. When we focus our attention on living a set apart life and we become unwavering in the standards we have for ourselves, we can see clearly what a counterfeit looks like and when approached by it, we can deny it. 

This is important to understand because as lonely as you may be, as much as you may be ready to get married and have children, if you are hasty in your decision making and lack discernment, you could end up marrying a man that will cause you a lifetime of pain and then spend years considering divorce when you could have waited on God, practiced restraint, and followed the Will of the Father. 

This is not to say that you need to marry the perfect man. There is no perfect man. This is to highlight the beauty of the season of singleness. It is a time to seek closeness with the Father. It is a time to establish your foundation of faith. When you spend that time developing your personhood and adjusting your heart posture, you are not going to be as willing to partner yourself with an unequally yoked man. Let that sink in.

When we begin to seek ways to manipulate, we take matters into our own hands and will inevitably end up in a situation we would never have agreed to had we known the consequences of it. 

Do not allow your flesh and the desires of your own heart lead you astray. Do not focus on the aspect of your life that you feel is missing by being single. Use that time to build up your faith, not beg for a man.

In doing so, you will not be disappointed.