Marriage Isn’t About Happiness: A Biblical Perspective on Marriage

In today’s world, marriage is often viewed through the lens of personal fulfillment and happiness. We are told that finding "the one" will lead to a lifetime of bliss, satisfaction, and personal joy. While those things may certainly be a part of marriage, they are not the ultimate purpose or foundation of it. In fact, a biblical understanding of marriage reveals that it is not about making us happy, but about honoring God, refining our character, and serving one another.

If you’re in a marriage—or hoping to be in one—you may have already experienced the tension that arises when the honeymoon phase fades. As we grow and change, the idealized notion of a perfect marriage often gives way to the reality of hard work, sacrifice, and sometimes even difficulty. But even in these moments, God has a purpose in our marriages that transcends personal happiness.

Let’s take a deeper look at what the Bible teaches us about marriage, and how understanding these truths can transform the way we approach this sacred relationship.

1. Your Marriage Isn’t Always Going to Be Bliss and Satisfaction

One of the biggest misconceptions about marriage is the idea that it will always be blissful and satisfying. We expect our spouse to meet all of our needs and make us happy every day. While joy and contentment can certainly be part of marriage, the reality is that not every day will be filled with satisfaction. Marriage involves two imperfect people who have different backgrounds, desires, and struggles. When these differences come together, there will inevitably be moments of tension, misunderstanding, and disagreement.

Scripture does not promise a marriage filled with perpetual bliss. In fact, Jesus Himself reminds us that we will face trouble in this world: “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33, NIV). The apostle Paul also tells us that marriage involves challenges and suffering. He writes in 1 Corinthians 7:28 that “those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this” (NIV).

While this may sound discouraging, it’s important to understand that these challenges are not a sign of failure in your marriage. They are a part of life. Marriage, just like every other relationship, will have its peaks and valleys. There will be seasons of joy, but there will also be seasons of struggle, growth, and sometimes even hardship. It’s crucial to approach marriage with realistic expectations. Not every moment will be filled with romance and happiness, and that’s okay.

In times of difficulty, we are given an opportunity to grow together as a couple, deepen our love, and rely more fully on God. Marriage isn’t about avoiding challenges, but about trusting God through them.

2. Your Marriage Is Not About Your Personal Happiness, But About Glorifying God

A healthy biblical marriage does not revolve around the pursuit of personal happiness or self-fulfillment. The ultimate purpose of marriage is to glorify God. When we enter into marriage with the expectation that our spouse will complete us or make us happy, we are setting ourselves up for disappointment. The Bible teaches that our ultimate source of joy and satisfaction comes from God alone.

Ephesians 5:25-33 offers one of the clearest teachings on marriage, and it centers on the concept of sacrificial love. Husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loved the church, laying down His life for her. This selfless love, focused not on personal satisfaction but on sacrificial service, reflects God’s own love for His people. Likewise, wives are called to respect and submit to their husbands as the church submits to Christ. This submission is not about inferiority, but about a voluntary act of honoring and serving one another.

The goal of marriage, according to Scripture, is not to find fulfillment in the other person but to bring glory to God through our love and commitment to each other. This requires us to shift our focus from seeking happiness to seeking holiness. Instead of asking, “How can my spouse make me happy?” we should be asking, “How can I serve my spouse and honor God in this relationship?”

When we understand that marriage is a way to glorify God, our perspective shifts from being self-centered to being others-centered. It becomes less about fulfilling our desires and more about reflecting God's love, grace, and mercy in how we treat one another.

3. Marriage Should Encourage You to Be Better Because It Helps You Reflect on Your Flaws

Marriage isn’t just a place to experience joy; it’s also a mirror. A good marriage reveals your flaws and areas of growth. Your spouse, in their imperfection and uniqueness, will inevitably challenge you to confront your weaknesses. Whether it’s your selfishness, your impatience, or your tendency to avoid conflict, marriage helps you see where you need to change and grow. This is part of God’s refining process in your life.

Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another” (NIV). Marriage provides the opportunity to grow and improve as individuals, because your spouse can be a source of constructive criticism, encouragement, and accountability. While it might feel uncomfortable at times, being confronted with our flaws is a way for us to become more like Christ. We are called to love our spouses sacrificially and serve them, which requires us to be humble and willing to change.

Through marriage, we also learn the importance of grace and forgiveness. As we grow together, we will inevitably hurt one another. But marriage is a place where forgiveness should flow freely. The gospel teaches us that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8). In the same way, we are called to forgive our spouse even when they don’t deserve it. This process of mutual refinement can lead us closer to God’s heart and help us grow in Christlikeness.

Instead of viewing marriage as simply a place of happiness, we should see it as a place where we are encouraged to become better versions of ourselves. When we allow our marriage to reveal our weaknesses and challenge us to grow, we align ourselves more closely with God’s purpose for our lives.

4. Marriage Is a Form of Sacrifice and Service in the Eyes of God

The Bible teaches us that marriage is not about personal gain, but about sacrifice and service. Jesus modeled the ultimate act of sacrifice through His death on the cross. In the same way, marriage calls us to lay down our rights, preferences, and even desires for the sake of our spouse. Philippians 2:3-4 tells us, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others” (NIV). This reflects the attitude we should have in our marriages—putting our spouse’s needs above our own and serving them selflessly.

When we approach marriage as a place of service rather than self-interest, we reflect the character of Christ. It’s easy to enter into marriage with a “what’s in it for me?” mentality. But the Bible calls us to a radical kind of love, one that asks, “What can I give?” instead of “What can I get?” Marriage is a daily opportunity to serve, sacrifice, and love our spouse in tangible ways, whether that’s through our words, actions, or even our willingness to forgive.

Ephesians 5:21 reminds us that we are to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. This mutual submission is a form of service. When we humble ourselves and serve one another, we not only honor God, but we also strengthen the bond of our marriage. Marriage is about both spouses sacrificing for each other and working together for the common goal of glorifying God.

Marriage is Not About Happiness

Marriage is not about happiness—it’s about holiness, sacrifice, service, and honoring God in every aspect of the relationship. While joy and fulfillment may certainly come as a result of a God-centered marriage, they are not the primary focus. Instead, we are called to love our spouse selflessly, reflect on our flaws, grow in Christlikeness, and serve one another.

If you’re in a marriage, or hoping to be in one, remember that it will not always be easy. But God has a purpose in your marriage, and He is using it to refine you, draw you closer to Him, and help you reflect His love to the world. Marriage, at its core, is a beautiful picture of sacrificial love and service, and when we embrace that truth, we can begin to experience the depth and richness of what God intends for us in this sacred relationship.

If you found this helpful and would like more support, check out the Wifey Challenge, a 31 day challenge with daily assignments aimed at helping you to grow as a wife and individual and strengthen your ability to show up in your marriage.