How to Deal with a Narcissist in a Relationship

It happens. You navigate the dating world, you fall in love, and in the midst of that relationship, you notice some things that make you uncomfortable. 

Despite seeing the red flags, you choose to continue the relationship, then you get married and find that the person is a completely toxic, narcissistic individual who is controlling. 

What do you do?

First, let go of the need to control the outcome. There is no way for you to dictate what another person decides to do. The only thing you can do is control yourself. Let's start with respect.

When you respect yourself there are things that you do not tolerate. Regulating what you tolerate is not about telling people what to do, it is instead about choosing what you will allow. As hard as it may be for you to hear, if you are in a relationship with a narcissist, it is because you have allowed it. 

No, you are not the reason they are one.

No you do not need to be responsible for what they do.

But you do need to be responsible for what you have allowed. 

When we love, honor and respect ourselves we do not tolerate the foolishness and silly games of others. If this is a person you are dating, leave the relationship. Stop whining and complaining to others. Take action. Leave.

If you are married, repent to of the decision to marry that person and seek God for the direction needed for lasting change. The same steps for self respect apply. Stop begging for them to change. Stop complaining about them. Stop yelling and berating them. Consume yourself with your well being. Consume yourself with the presence of God. Pick up hobbies. If this needs to be a season of dissatisfaction in your life, be ok with that. Marriage is about long suffering, even though sometimes we suffer long due to our own doing. 

Once you have learned to respect yourself and have left the relationship (single women), do not go on to venture away from those habits. Pay close attention to the way you treat yourself. Pay close attention to the way you navigate as a woman of God. Do you operate in integrity? Do you pray for and use the discernment God gives you through His Word, the advice of others and your previous life experiences?

Wouldn't it be a pity to end up in the same situation all over again because you chose not to learn from it?

For the married women:

When you begin to respect and honor yourself, it may trigger your husband. Continue to pray for him. Our God sees all and hears our cries. It is important not to skip repentance as that is the step of you admitting to what you have done and taking accountability for your actions and the role you played in your suffering. 

Continue to intercede for your husband, but do not lose yourself in misery and sadness. Immerse yourself in community and healthy ways to spend your time. This can be hobbies, time in nature, time with friends and family. 

Resist the urge to fight back and argue. He will bait you. 

Resist the urge to call him out. He will bait you. 

Continue to cover him in prayer. I cannot emphasize this enough.

We plant the seeds. We water the seeds. God gives the increase. 

And we indeed reap what we have sown. 

If you are with a narcissist, there is a way out. The process for married and single women does look different. Remember that everything written here is under the premise that you are not being abused. 

If you are being abused, leave. Get yourself to safety. Do not make excuses. 

If you are a woman struggling in your womanhood, I would love to see you in the next session of the Womanhood Series.