Girl, Be Quiet Sometimes

The Power of Restraint: Embracing Silence in Marriage

In a world where opinions are often voiced loudly and disagreements can escalate quickly, the practice of restraint in our relationships—especially in marriage—can be a transformative experience. As wives, we may feel the need to express our thoughts and feelings constantly, but sometimes, the most powerful choice we can make is to embrace silence.

The Wisdom of Restraint

Biblical wisdom tell us all-men and women-to be slow to speak. For instance, James 1:19 encourages us to be "quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry." This passage serves as a reminder that our words carry weight and that choosing to listen more than we speak can lead to deeper understanding and connection with our partners. I recently shared a passage from "10 Lessons to Transform Your Marriage" on the importance of listening without offense and the value of choosing to be understanding instead of choosing to be angered.

In Proverbs 17:27-28, we read, "The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered." Here, we see that restraint isn’t just about silence; it’s about wisdom. It suggests that there is power in our choice to hold back our words when it can lead to a more thoughtful response or a peaceful resolution. Think of a few situations when you spoke when you should have remained silent. How did it play out and how could it have played out if you had exercised restraint?

Embracing Silence

In her book, The Surrendered Wife, Laura Doyle emphasizes the importance of relinquishing the need to control every aspect of our relationships. One key aspect of this surrender is recognizing when to step back and allow our husbands the space to lead and express themselves. This doesn’t mean we suppress our voices entirely; rather, it’s about understanding when our contributions are necessary and when they might be better left unsaid.

Doyle notes that practicing restraint can strengthen our marriages. By choosing not to voice every opinion or critique, we create an environment of safety and respect. This allows our husbands to feel more empowered and appreciated, fostering a sense of teamwork rather than competition.

The Benefits of Restraint

1. Promotes Understanding: When we listen more than we speak, we gain insights into our partner’s thoughts and feelings. This understanding can lead to deeper emotional intimacy.
2. Reduces Conflict: Often, disagreements arise from misunderstandings. By holding our tongues, we can avoid unnecessary arguments and give ourselves time to reflect before responding.
3. Builds Respect: Restraint demonstrates maturity and self-control. When we choose our words carefully, it shows our partners that we value their opinions and feelings, building mutual respect.
4. Fosters Growth: Sometimes, silence allows our partners to step up and solve problems on their own, promoting growth in both the relationship and the individual.

Practicing Restraint in Daily Life

Implementing the practice of restraint in marriage doesn't have to be complicated. Here are a few practical tips:

• Pause Before Responding: When a topic arises that sparks an immediate reaction, take a moment to breathe and reflect. Ask yourself if your input is necessary at that moment.
• Use Active Listening: Focus on truly hearing what your husband is saying without formulating a response in your mind. This not only strengthens your bond but also gives you the chance to respond thoughtfully if needed.
• Choose Your Battles: Not every disagreement needs to be addressed. Learn to identify which issues are worth discussing and which can be let go.
• Practice Gratitude: Shift your focus from what you want to express to what you appreciate in your partner. Sharing positive thoughts can often diminish the urge to voice complaints.

Practicing restraint as a wife is not about suppressing your voice or feelings; it’s about choosing when to speak and when to listen. By embodying this principle, we create a more harmonious environment in our marriages, allowing love and understanding to flourish. Remember, sometimes the most impactful thing we can say is nothing at all, letting our actions and presence speak volumes. As we embrace this practice, we can find deeper connection and fulfillment in our relationships, echoing the timeless wisdom found in both the Bible and the teachings of The Surrendered Wife.