Don't Be a Miserable Martyr as a Mom

As a mom, there’s this underlying expectation we sometimes feel to be the ever-present, all-giving, all-sacrificing figure in our homes. We’re supposed to take care of everything without complaint, to be the superhero who does it all without breaking a sweat. But let’s get real for a moment—this is a surefire way to burn out, feel unappreciated, and become a miserable martyr. Newsflash: You do not have to be a martyr to be a good mom. It’s time to break free from that mindset, accept help, set standards, declutter your life, and—most importantly—allow yourself the rest you deserve. 

It’s easy to get caught up in the notion that we must do it all ourselves, especially when we love our families and want to give them the best. But here’s the truth: Help is not a sign of weakness—it’s a sign of wisdom. And the help doesn’t always have to come in the form of big gestures from your spouse or extended family; it can be in the form of your children, your friends, or even your in-laws. If someone offers help, *take it*. 

This means allowing your husband to step in and take care of a chore you typically do, letting your children pitch in with tasks around the house, or even asking your in-laws to lend a hand with the kids now and then. Stop thinking you have to do it all on your own to be a "good" mom. It’s not about doing everything perfectly—it’s about creating a healthy, supportive environment for everyone, including yourself.

Being a mom doesn’t mean you’re the only one who shoulders the weight of the household responsibilities. It’s time to change the narrative and create a standard where helping mom is not optional. This starts with delegating tasks and responsibilities to your children in a realistic way. Yes, even your young ones can help—whether it’s picking up toys, setting the table, or folding towels. It’s about teaching them that they are part of the family team, and it’s everyone’s job to pitch in and keep the household running smoothly. 

And here’s the kicker: You need to hold them to a standard. Show them how to do it right and expect them to get it done without going behind them to correct it later. Yes, it will take time. Yes, there will be a learning curve. But be patient. Don’t make the mistake of doing it all yourself because it’s easier than teaching them. Every time you go behind them to fix their efforts, you’re sending the message that their help isn’t valuable. Teach them how to do things correctly, step by step, and allow them the space to get it right. This is how you foster a sense of responsibility in them—and give yourself more breathing room in the process.

Let’s talk about clutter for a second. We all know that a cluttered home leads to a cluttered mind. And yet, many of us hold onto things we don’t need because we feel like we should or because we’ve always had them. But here’s the thing: If something is making your life harder or preventing you from creating the peaceful, functional home you want, it’s time to let it go. 

Take some time to assess your home—your closets, your kitchen, your storage spaces—and ask yourself, “Do I need this? Does this serve my family? Does this make maintaining the house easier?” If the answer is no, it’s time to declutter. The less stuff you have to manage, the more mental space you have to focus on what truly matters—like connecting with your family, pursuing your passions, and, yes, resting.

Finally, and most importantly, remember this: You are not a slave to your home or your family. You are in service to them, yes, but in order to serve them well, you need to be well yourself. This means giving yourself permission to rest—real rest, not the kind where you’re half-working or mentally stressing about the laundry piling up. Real rest means taking time to restore your energy, your peace of mind, and your physical body. 

Whether that’s taking a nap, going for a walk, reading a book, or having a quiet moment to yourself, rest is essential. You cannot pour from an empty cup, and you deserve to have time to recharge. When you allow yourself to rest, you come back to your family and your responsibilities with more patience, creativity, and love. 

Being a mom is the hardest, most beautiful job in the world. But that doesn’t mean it should come at the expense of your well-being. Embrace help when it’s offered, set the expectation that your family will help, declutter the unnecessary, and most importantly, take time to rest. You don’t have to be a martyr to be a good mom. You just need to find balance, set healthy boundaries, and create a space where you can thrive, not just survive.

Remember: You’re not doing it alone—and you don’t have to do it all. Take care of yourself so that you can take care of your family with love and strength. You’re worth it.